I try to live my life around this motto: “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” It seems to work pretty well for the most part and it’s a good reality check to always be kind.

Kindness is a wonderful legacy to leave behind- Taylor Swift


Lately, I’ve been a little lost in my head and kind of on this bad downward spiral  of being salty towards everyone. I’ve been blowing people off, not caring about what I’m doing, all I’m thinking about is me, me, ME! I’ve been super selfish and on this high horse that I totally got knocked off of.

I got laid off 3 weeks ago and have just been so confused and stressed ever since. I’m not entirely sure of where I want to work. Do I want to go down the dreaded restaurant path of no return like every other aspiring-something has before me? Do I screw all my values and become a stripper? ……………I’m joking….Although I have thought about it….I’m joking again! Anyway, I’ve been back to auditioning and feel like my head is kind of clearing up now that I realized I’ve been an asshole lately.

So now to the juicy stuff. I’ve been on bumble a lot lately because I’m bored out of my mind and the gym can only do so much. My first bumble date was super good. We have a lot of the same interests, goals, etc..but realized we would work better as friends and we totally do! He’s super nice and great and just what I needed. Someone who gives you a reality check and is constantly looking out for you as well as themselves in terms of opportunity. Also, I should add that i just became open to actually maybe have a boyf. So this guy didn’t work out but I was like cool! Another great friend to add to the bunch. 

The second date that I went on I thought went really well. I mean granted I was drunk but like hear me out… He took me to the Laugh Factory in Hollywood and I mean if that’s not cute I don’t know what is! On the way there we talked about some really heavy stuff and laid everything on the table. Probably something you shouldn’t do on the first date but I’m a sucker for funny people so I looked past it. AND was super inspired by his story. I have a thing for the brokenness;  It reminds me that everyone is struggling and we should all help everyone with love. Anyway, so the comedians were great and I was dying laughing and didn’t want it to end. But it did and he didn’t call, but whatever you move on.  So naturally, like every girl does, I started over analyzing for a second if I said something wrong but then the moment passed and I didn’t care anymore.

THEN, the worst thing that could ever happen to a girl let alone a human being, happened to me. I had another date with this guy to go hiking. I semi tried to get ready. I mean I at least put on make up and brushed my hair and drove 20 minuets to Runyon Canyon. Earlier that week I was like, “Ok Raya, you need to stop blowing people off.” My reasoning for doing it, unintentionally of course, is because I’ve been on enough bad dates and really don’t want to be on another one and waste my time. Major Key: Don’t waste your time. Well, I pull up and didn’t know where to park and for those of you who don’t live in Los Angeles, you have to add 20 to you destination time just so you can find parking. So I call him and he’s laugh at me, (um rude!), turns out I was on the opposite side of the canyon where he was and he said ” I can’t hike now. We’ll go another time.” WAIT WHAT?!!?!??! I’m freaking out on the inside and all I said to him was ok. Because what can I do?

I spent the whole way home crying to my friend about how much I’M an asshole and deserve this karma for standing people up all the time. It was the worst feeling and ok maybe I’m being a little dramatic because I didn’t care that much about him but I cared because I have been blowing guys off then complaining about how they suck but really I’m the one that has been sucking.

I’ve been reflecting a lot this past weekend and realize the things I need to change. Maybe not even change per se but be more self-aware. If you don’t like the way someone is treating you how you treat them then take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself what the deeper meaning of your actions are. Getting stood up was definitely my wake-up call.


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