I’ve made it a year in the city I call home. October 26, 2015 I started my journey to a new life, new home, and new adventures. I couldn’t be more grateful for the friends I have made, people I have met, love I have found, and the art I have created.
It was storming and flooding. The day I left we were under a hurricane watch but that’s pretty normal for living in Houston. I remember feeling so alone. I had all this memorabilia of my dad and my apartment was super cozy. It was the first time anything had ever felt like home. I had things to sell, donate and trash and I know it sounds silly but those items were the only things I have left of my dad. Now the only thing that remains are two bar stools, a portrait of us, a few tools, a lamp and a knife set he gave me the christmas before he died. So yes- I know he is all around but I can’t touch air. At least those things I can touch.
I didn’t know when I was leaving; all I know is I had to. It was kind of one of those moments of there never being the right time. You just have to jump and risk everything and pray that it all works out. I was going to have a going-away-party-type thing downtown but not a lot of people RSVP’d and I realized: Why was I trying so hard to include people in my life that weren’t making me a priority when I was making them one and there was too much on MY plate? I realized those people were not my friends. The ones who were true would come back and understand that I was under and intense amout of pressure doing everything myself.
The past year has taught me something: I used to be incredibly envious of people who had somewhere to go on the holidays; who’s parents were there for their graduations, life changes, and who had sibilings. For 22 years of my life I was so alone and couldn’t understad that type of relationship. I wanted it more than anything, but you know, I wouldn’t change anything about my life. I am exactly where I’m meant to be. I fit in with a group of people I never thought was possible and I am able to do what I love. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Sometimes it’s only a season, but the ones that are meant to will always find their way back.
I feel stronger and more empowered than I have ever felt. The thing most people tell me when they first meet me is that I have confidence when I walk into a room. I will never believe them because, to me, that is something I lack. Fake it until you make it, right? I’ve grown so much without realizing because it comes second nature. Everything in Los Angeles feels natrual to me and I never want to stop learning from this beautiful place. It has brought me so much happiness and continuted to show me who I really am. I am a HUGE believer of positive thinking. You attract the energy you put out. It’s ok to have standards. You can have expectations of living, what you want in a partner and even in yourself. If anyone tries to belittle you for having “unrealistic standards,” they are the ones you should feel sorry for. People who are negative and always put people down and don’t want to help are the ones that will come you to later when you succeed. Always have courage and be kind. I may be only a tiny step closer to my goal, but it’s closer than I was yesterday and I am happy with that. I would rather stuggle doing what I love than safe and miserable living and doing something I don’t.
I am so thankful for the foundation I have and my boyfriend who is my rock. He makes me feel more creative and inspires me daily. We bounce ideas off of one another until something sticks. He supports me and encourages me to do whatever my 23-almost-24-year-old-heart desires. I thank GOD daily for him and everything else that I have. Without HIM, I am nothing. Philippians 4:13
I encourage you to take risks. Let love in. Create. Explore. Reach for the stars.
The ones that are crazy enough to chase it, might just be the ones who succeed.